Hot Topic: To Toast or Not To Toast

Whether or not to have alcohol at your wedding reception can be a passionate debate. For some families the decision is easy. If both the couple and their families enjoy cocktails on the weekends, it is assumed alcohol is OK for the reception. Other families never drink alcohol for any occasions (special or not) so it's assumed there is no alcohol at the reception. Sometimes it's divided right down the middle. It's these situations where you must tread lightly.

The way you plan your wedding and the way you handle these differences between your respective families will set the tone for your marriage. These delicate differences won't change after the wedding so it's best you start to handle them with care now. When one family insists that alcohol be served in some capacity and the other family refuses to show up if alcohol is present you need to step back and think about the big picture. Is this going to matter in a week, a month, a year, ten years? How will this affect my vision of my Big Day? Where does alcohol fall on my priority list? Your answer to these questions will determine the best way to handle the situation.

I've helped brides with this conundrum time and time again. In my experience, I've found there are different solutions for everyone.

Solution #1:

If both parties are completely unwilling to budge on their stance, consider this compromise: Non-alcoholic traditional wedding reception followed by an alcoholic "after party." Both can take place in the same venue (should the venue allow) and those who are uncomfortable will be welcome to depart. They've seen all the important rituals (cake cutting, first dances, etc.) and the "drinkers" can stay knowing that when the time is right, the wine and beer will flow. Depending on your venues set-up, you can have the bar ready to go from the start (covered if necessary) and when the designated hour arrives, the unveiling can take place.

Solution #2:

Many people are concerned that they will be held liable for their guests' actions at the reception. Their reluctance to have alcohol resides more in fear of inebriated guests rather than a personal (or religious) moral code. If this is the case you have options. For instance, you can give your guests an allotted number of drink tickets, normally two per guest (who is willing and legally able to partake). Another option is to provide only certain beverages, such as beer. Beer has a much lower alcohol content and your guests are much less likely to lose control. A popular option at The Thoroughbred Center is to add a Cash Bar to your Open Bar so that your guests are financially responsible for their choices. People are much less likely to go overboard if they have to foot the bill.

If you are considering a Cash Bar, keep in mind that some consider this poor wedding etiquette. Personally, I see both sides of the argument and feel you should do what is right for your family and your budget. It is YOUR wedding reception after all. Having a Combination Bar (where you have a part Open and part Cash Bar) is generally more acceptable.

Solution #3:

If the previous solutions will not work for your event, consider having a non-alcoholic wedding reception but hosting a related event such as an Engagement Party or Rehearsal Dinner where there is alcohol or. It's not about proving that someone is right or wrong, it's about balance and compromise.

In general, I have found that people are more respectful at wedding receptions that they are at an informal party. I feel this follows the same principle of uniforms in schools: children seem to behave better in uniforms. Also, when it comes to "tradition" or what's "normal," there's really no such thing. Make your day reflect your style, your taste, and your values.