Top 5 Ways for Grooms to be Involved

"Just tell me when to show up."

I've heard this line from grooms-to-be on more occasions than I can count. Let me tell you, this is not a line brides love to hear. While you think you are doing her a favor by giving her free reign of the wedding planning, you're really saying, "I don't care."

Sure, wedding favors, flowers, and linens aren't your thing. I get it. However, I find time and time again that the further along in the process you get, the more you find you do care. Since you've already given her the go-ahead to make any and all decisions sans your opinion, how do you get back in the game? I'm going to give you a few tips on how to take some pressure off your bride (because let's face it brides really don't like all the responsibility of planning) and get involved in ways that you may actually enjoy.


Here are the Top 5 Ways for Grooms to be Involved.

The Wedding Band
You're going to be a married man which mean you'll be donning a wedding band (at least in modern American culture). Since this is something you'll be wearing on a daily basis, you'll probably want a say in what it looks like. You may also care how much it costs and how it feels on your finger. I definitely advise you be a part of this purchase.

The Music
Whether you spring for a band or a DJ, you'll probably want a say-so in what music gets pumped through those speakers at the reception. If you get in on the ground level and do the research for the bride, you'll be in an even better position to choose someone who suits your style and budget alike.

The Food
I'm sure your bride knows you well enough to nix the broccoli you hate or steer clear of the meat if you're vegetarian, but what about everything else? There are loads of options out there and your bride welcomes your opinion. Don't be shy in giving it either. Some opinions actually make decisions easier to make, especially for caterers.
Sidenote: Go to the tasting too. Not only will you get to taste the delicious food before your big day (making you more likely to sit down and enjoy it at your wedding reception) but it's usually free! Who can resist (really good) free food?

Attire
This falls in the same category as the wedding band. You're wearing it (as are your groomsmen) so you should speak up on what you want to wear. Go one step further and make all the arrangements for the tux rentals to take one more thing off your bride's "to-do" list.

Alcohol
If you are choosing to serve alcohol at your reception, you'll probably want a say in what's served as well. Are you a microbrew kind of groom or do you prefer a premium bourbon? You can usually make room in the budget for a small amount of premium purchases for yourself and your buddies. Don't be afraid to get a barrel of Bud Light for your guests and a case of a local microbrew for your bridal party. Most guests won't know that you're drinking something different. If they do, just remember what I said about free food. Same rule applies to alcohol.

Did I miss something? Do you thing grooms would enjoy being a part of something else?

Hot Topic: To Toast or Not To Toast

Whether or not to have alcohol at your wedding reception can be a passionate debate. For some families the decision is easy. If both the couple and their families enjoy cocktails on the weekends, it is assumed alcohol is OK for the reception. Other families never drink alcohol for any occasions (special or not) so it's assumed there is no alcohol at the reception. Sometimes it's divided right down the middle. It's these situations where you must tread lightly.

The way you plan your wedding and the way you handle these differences between your respective families will set the tone for your marriage. These delicate differences won't change after the wedding so it's best you start to handle them with care now. When one family insists that alcohol be served in some capacity and the other family refuses to show up if alcohol is present you need to step back and think about the big picture. Is this going to matter in a week, a month, a year, ten years? How will this affect my vision of my Big Day? Where does alcohol fall on my priority list? Your answer to these questions will determine the best way to handle the situation.

I've helped brides with this conundrum time and time again. In my experience, I've found there are different solutions for everyone.

Solution #1:

If both parties are completely unwilling to budge on their stance, consider this compromise: Non-alcoholic traditional wedding reception followed by an alcoholic "after party." Both can take place in the same venue (should the venue allow) and those who are uncomfortable will be welcome to depart. They've seen all the important rituals (cake cutting, first dances, etc.) and the "drinkers" can stay knowing that when the time is right, the wine and beer will flow. Depending on your venues set-up, you can have the bar ready to go from the start (covered if necessary) and when the designated hour arrives, the unveiling can take place.

Solution #2:

Many people are concerned that they will be held liable for their guests' actions at the reception. Their reluctance to have alcohol resides more in fear of inebriated guests rather than a personal (or religious) moral code. If this is the case you have options. For instance, you can give your guests an allotted number of drink tickets, normally two per guest (who is willing and legally able to partake). Another option is to provide only certain beverages, such as beer. Beer has a much lower alcohol content and your guests are much less likely to lose control. A popular option at The Thoroughbred Center is to add a Cash Bar to your Open Bar so that your guests are financially responsible for their choices. People are much less likely to go overboard if they have to foot the bill.

If you are considering a Cash Bar, keep in mind that some consider this poor wedding etiquette. Personally, I see both sides of the argument and feel you should do what is right for your family and your budget. It is YOUR wedding reception after all. Having a Combination Bar (where you have a part Open and part Cash Bar) is generally more acceptable.

Solution #3:

If the previous solutions will not work for your event, consider having a non-alcoholic wedding reception but hosting a related event such as an Engagement Party or Rehearsal Dinner where there is alcohol or. It's not about proving that someone is right or wrong, it's about balance and compromise.

In general, I have found that people are more respectful at wedding receptions that they are at an informal party. I feel this follows the same principle of uniforms in schools: children seem to behave better in uniforms. Also, when it comes to "tradition" or what's "normal," there's really no such thing. Make your day reflect your style, your taste, and your values.